I wrote a post on July 23, 2019 called Blood Pressure Maintenance.https://reflectionsofaflawedman.com/2019/07/23/blood-pressure-maintenance/ It was based on a talk I did where I was asked to comment about how to have more civil and satisfying conversations around politics. The talk seemed well received and I was asked to give a second talk. In my original post, I described five rules to stay calm and avoid frustrating conversations, especially regarding political discussions with those with whom we disagree. The following three rules were part of my second talk and complete my thoughts about the matter. Here they are.
6. Listen
What is my motivation for having a conversation in the first place, especially if it’s political or religious? What would it be like to go through a week of conversations without feeling the need to persuade anyone of anything. What impact would we have on people’s lives by just listening to them? We have no obligation to agree or disagree by listening and we will never gain the trust of the speaker if they sense that our conversations are about getting what we want without concern for ever hearing their experiences or understanding their point of view. Try listening and hearing with no motivation beyond that. See what it does to you. See how it impacts those you are listening to.
7. Intention
What is the intention of the person who initiates the conversation? Is it genuine curiosity or is it to have a debate and win it. If it’s the latter, then the discussion will be frustrating and the frustration will be the deserved outcome.
8. Value
If we truly want to have positive conversations with others we have to truly value other folks, especially if we don’t like them or agree with them. If I think I’m oozing with moral goodness and intellectual perfection, unlike the rube I’m speaking with, I should probably go live in a cave and rethink my life. If we find don’t value others, we will always find ourselves frustrated with them and none of the above rules will be of much help.
Copyright Daniel Blake October 3, 2023
reflections of a flawed man 